Meteorolistists in Panic over Tabloid Weather Predictions
“We are in untested water, there is simply no precedent for this. You can call it global warming, climate change or atmospheric realignment, but the truth is that we are all close to panic”
The climatic catastrophy suspected to hit the UK first presented itself in the early hours of the morning as news broke on the front pages of several red top newspapers. The Daily Spoof sprung into action asking a top advisor to advise us with some advisory advise
“They are all saying the same thing, that’s what’s so frightening. The consensus of their conclusions cannot be denied. They are in complete agreement… The weather will be average for the time of year”
From a trickle to a flood
This phenomenon nearly went unnoticed by the scientific community, but slowly as the news fed through that all the papers were reporting the same startling mundane facts many started to panic
A rare picture showing two types of weather at
“Put simply the tabloids are always predicting summers hotter than the hardest African drought. Hurricanes or floods of biblical proportions. Winters harder than those found in Antartica, or if they really want to shock us, Aberdeen. And they are always without exception wrong”
In fact, they have been so consistently wrong it is a certainty that this losing streak is not just chance. Mathematicians have concluded that over decades of putting in processes to cover their backs when deliberating reporting lies has inadvertently lead them to create the perfect system for predicting the wrong weather
Sometimes there isn’t any weather. During these periods you can find meteorologists at the local beach
Can this really be true?
So have they finally relented from their exaggerated scaremongering from the skies? Will these average weather predictions mean smooth running business? Public transport running without delays? Balmy evenings in the garden and a pleasant nights summer sleep?
“Quite the opposite, to
rnados, snowstorms, heatwaves, floods and the odd plague of locusts. And that’s all before Wednesday week”