MP’s to secretly Trial Far Right “Trump” Policy

MP’s to secretly Trial Far Right “Trump” Policy

By Editor 0 Comment May 8, 2019

After President Trump’s “go back home” tweets, The Fakeham Herold has recently discovered a groundswell of support for a controversial far-right policy by MP’s from across the house.

Who are the far right.

Far-right nationalist organisations hate just about everybody. The term far right is strange as it actually means ‘far from right‘, as in ‘completely wrong’. In the English language, this is known as an oxymoron. It should be noted that this is not meant as a slur on far-right group membership, it is just a coincidence that most look like ox’s and are morons.

Belief systems: The Flat Earth Society, Lizard’s and Racists

There are many conspiracy theorist groups around the globe. The flat earth society believes that the earth is flat and not a sphere. Others believe in aliens and that all our leaders are lizards. This is despite many facts to the contrary. The Far right believe that we live in 1765 instead of 2019

This is a picture of the earth. It may look flat but it’s actually round.

The Fakeham Herold implements Undercover Operation codename ‘undercover operation’

We infiltrated a far-right organisation. We were given the simple so-called ‘Trump’ objective of ‘sending immigrants back home‘. We were given an extensive 2-minute training program on how to check an individuals immigration status. This consisted of two photos, one showing a black person and another of Asian descent. We were then individually sent out on the streets of London and told to return later with update reports.

Our first target was male, black and spoke with a distinct accent. We asked him where he was from. To which he said ‘Manchester’, with the main objective in mind we gave him money for his train ticket (as he was going to the opera with some friends, we suggested that he should catch the last train out of London). To our surprise he thanked us for our kindness and walked off somewhat bemused.

Next, we went to the local hospital and were inundated with nurses from the Philippines and Indian doctors. We had hit gold. They looked tired from many hours hard work on shift and many faced a long journey on public transport. Remembering chants of ‘send them home, send them home now’ from the video in our earlier training we sprung into action. Using all the resources available to us we ordered a fleet of taxis to get them back where they belong. Home with their family to catch a few precious hours of sleep.

Pleased with our afternoons work we proudly shared our experiences and presented our expense receipts.

Not Happy

They were not happy

Upping our game.

We were the only people to ‘get them home’, yet nobody seemed to appreciate this. That the UK was where they lived. We asked them where they thought ‘home’ was. ‘Well, they all come from Africa, don’t they?’ This is undoubtedly true. It was hard to argue that all mankind had not originally come from Africa. So the next day with the help of a local travel agent (offering last-minute safari discounts) we blew the rest of our expense account sending several French, Japanese and South American’s ‘back home’ for two weeks all-inclusive.

Again we were the only group to meet the objective. Again they were not happy.

Far Right members are often likened to pigs, which is unfair. Many believe pigs to be intelligent creatures

Anger, Anger, and more Anger from a very Angry man who seemed to be Angry at anybody who was not suitably Angry

We were obviously missing something, but the leader had gone purple. With trepidation, our reporter asked if coloured people like him should be repatriated? He responded with a slightly deeper purple. We strained to hear the words through his gritted teeth; ‘People of a darker colour than normal’. We immediately rushed off to atone for our error, but of all the people we met leaving the local tanning salon, none wished assistance to go home. We did though, manage to give a lift to a nice couple who wanted to go shopping and another a trip down the pub.

The Inner Sanctum & The Final Solution

Surprisingly we were then invited access to The Big Meeting. This was the monthly meet of several right-wing organisations. Including ABC (formally ABCD, renamed after several members had difficulty with the spelling). The master plan was revealed. The organisations had been buying up DNA kits to check ancestry. Just one mouth swab you get an exact result of any individuals heritage. For example 50% West Indian, 20% Welsh 30% English. Science would be their final solution. An undeniable heritage which combined with modern satellite navigation would finally allow people to be ‘sent home’ to within 100 square meters anywhere on the globe.

We would like to apologise for reusing the same picture in this article. However lets face it, when lampooning racist bigots, you can never have too many photos of pigs

Implementation By UK Government Imminent

The Fakeham Herold took their findings to the government only to find that the UK Government were to inexplicably trial this policy for themselves. We insisted that they tell us of any good reason why any nation of any moral fibre would trial such an awful policy.

“It’s actually the perfect solution for our government. We will be choosing 200 people for our initial trial from a specific demographic to check viability. Obviously, nobody of any intelligence would volunteer. So we only have the option of using members of the white supremacist nationalistic far-right. After all, they came up with it. With any luck, they will be a mix of English, German and Norwegian thus forcing us to drop them off somewhere over the North Sea.

But I must stress that the project would only be deemed a true success if this was in one of the deeper bits”

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